As the sun rises over St. Bernards Peak, slowly filtering the muted late-summer sun into the deepest and darkest corners of Wormwood Forest, one can't help but think briefly of the coming storm, slowly moving across the horizon towards the eastern shore of Wormwood Valley, this approaching concoction of gunpowder, wet wood and soggy students means can mean only one thing...Pirating Season is nearly in full swing.
As the local reporter for the entire Pirating Season, it is my fair duty to make the best initial judgment possible for the outcome of this eyars Golden Hook Tournament.
It is difficult to say that the upset of last years events, what with the dismissal by somewhat superntural means of the SS Cranky Canker and the Not-So-Jolly Rogers, did not tend to cast a bit of a dark shadow over this years projections as we sat at the rotten stump table deep below Wormwood hashing out our predictions for this years tournament over crinkle tea and slug snot, but with the rising star Eye Ball Boy and his faithful companions, and the slightly disgruntled cantacerisms of the Peg Legs, this is sure to be a year to remember, even in the shadow of last.
But a whisper, a slight rumble, eggy in it's descriptive odor has slowly crept it's way into the deepest halls of the Wormwood Daily, and it smells of eggs.
Yes, the Eggelstein's and the SS Yellow Yolk has ben spotted hard at practice. Everyone should remember the Plank walkers from their previous Pirating season strategy of just surrendering before the matches often began, and then in some form of lemming-like initiation, running at full speed to the planks of their vessel and plummeting overboard, white flag in hand.
Well, it just may be so, that this will not be the case this year.
The new guidelines to co-incide with plummeting Math and Science scores in the Wormwood Educational system which allows and encourages students to utilize their imaginations at creating all sorts of wild contraptions and devices to aid in their Pirating endeavors, has, rumor says, created just the spark of enlightened courage the Plank walkers needed.
Yes, some have said that the ingenuity and science know-how of the Egg-shaped captain and his crew has resulted in a supposed army of pirating robots to accompany them on their first match coming October the 1st.
We shall see, but if the small wooden contraptions as they are being described, are as ingenious and effective as the Plank Walker's previous strategy of flailing wildly off the yard arms to complete an utter assurance of a last place placing, year after year, then perhaps, just a bit of "yellow" luck will flow their way and they might capture a victory, or at least, find themselves accompanied by an army of following contraptions as they plummet into the depths of the Wormwood Pirating arena, waving their white flag in customary failure.
We at the Wormwood Daily however, would like to see an upset, be it fair, other-worldly, or just plain "piraty!" Afterall, that's what Pirating is all about...
Let the cannons roar, and man the main sail, Pirating season is afloat...
Reporting from deep below Wormwood Square,
Inkly Tolew the Third Esq.
Manager, Operator, Owner
Wormwood Valley Information Operations Publication
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